pontificus | ( duplicity ) inbox

[She pulls herself closer to him, still feeling like there is more to be said though the words are lost on her tongue. She just wants to bury herself in him to make him feel better. Especially when he says that to her.]

You know it is not that. I-- [She exhales slowly before looking up at him.]

I am betrothed back home to a man I am once again made to marry. The last man I even cared for was not even allowed to court me. I promise you that everything you have to offer me is more than enough. I have just spent so long guarding my heart, it is harder now to open it.

[He smiles sadly at her, brushing a stray hair from her face. His fingers lingered against her skin, gently running along her fully cheek until he could touch her sweet lips. She was beautiful in such a way that it hurt sometimes to look at her, but beneath that was a loneliness that spoke to him, something he understood from his youth.

He loved this woman fiercely, but she could never be his to keep.]

You don't need to open your heart to me, Lucrezia. [He sighed, ready to crawl into a bottle and stay there for several days.] I don't want you to force something that you might not feel. This place doesn't let us stay happy for long and I don't want to be the reason you hurt.

[She drops her gaze, pouting. It is too late for that, already feeling like there is a hole in her heart. It's always been there. She can fill it with many things. Perhaps this is her own doing. Once she complained about being unlovable, but here is a man, a good man, that professes his feelings for her.]

I just do not know how it would work here. We play pretend and talk about going to Winterfell, but here I am not your submissive, and I do not know what is to come next. I fear if I care for you, I could lose you as I have lost near everyone else.

[She leans into his touch softly.]

I don't know. I think that if something came of it, we'd need to be clear about where matters stand regarding others. I- [He sighed again, softening just at the feel of her against him and the possibility of something.] I wouldn't ask or want to know about others.

You feel safer with your brother as your dominant. I understand that and I won't press you to sign with me. But I'll need a submissive soon.

[He hesitated.]

You could help me choose them? You would have a say in my terms and who I signed with.

Edited 2019-03-11 01:43 (UTC)

[She listens to him, not sure how a relationship like this is supposed to work. In some ways it is not different than being a mistress, she imagines. It does not feel well to think of him with others, but it is clear he feels the same.]

That is a lot of power to give me. [He trusts her and wants her to be a part of this.]

It's not power, it's respect.

[He couldn't marry her or stay faithful, as much as his honor would scream at him. What he could do was give her a place in his life that no one else would have here. He could offer her respect and equality, as if she was his wife.]

I wouldn't give this to anyone else. Only you.

[She takes his hand in hers and smiles up at him. Lucrezia knows what this means. It's more than anyone has given to her, even more than what Cesare has given to her, a sort of freedom only they would share. She looks up at him and nods, understanding.]

I know what that means, Jon. And I would like to be a part of it if you wish me to.

I do.

[His heart feels like it will burst from his chest or he'll fall over from the speed of it. It was no small thing that they were discussing. A part of him feared if he blinked, it might disappear.]

You want to try?

I do not know what I can give you here-- [She only has the concept of polyamory as a man takes a mistress, but even in that confine, she would still have him in that way. He is not her Dom, but she would still want him in every other way.]

But if we could make this work in such a way, I am not against it.

Neither do I. [He was fortunate in his position to offer her some form of loyalty. It wasn't marriage or complete dedication, but it was the strongest possible form of love and loyalty that this world would allow him. But she was a submissive and he wasn't her dominant. She would have others as well and her contract would belong to Cesare.

It wasn't clear what sort of gesture she could make him, but it mattered very little to Jon. So long as he could give this to her, it was all that counted.]

You give me enough. You're here now.

[And she hadn't turned his offer of love away.]

I'm yours, that's all I want.

[She takes a step forward and reaches for his hand, squeezing gently. All of this is a lot, but she likes this idea, to be a more permanent in his life. It's what they have been growing toward.]

I am lucky to have you, Jon. Truly.

[A hand runs along the side of her cheek. There was likely more he could do or offer her as terms, but nothing came to mind. It didn't matter, they could decide more as time went on. At least for now, he had a reason for hope, no small thing in his life.]

I love you, Lucrezia.

[He leaned his brow against hers, soaking in the intimacy and her presence.]

I hope I prove worthy of you.

[She touches his cheek gently before leaning in to kiss the corner of his mouth. She doesn't know if she loves him, but she knows she cares deeply for him and wants to see where this can go. So she holds herself closer to her.]

I have never doubted that you wouldn't be.

[He was willing to wait and see if her feelings became clearer. For now, there was this and this would be enough. His arms wrap around her, cradling her against him as he felt himself breathe more easily.]

If there is anything else you want as terms or boundaries, tell me.

[Her hands land low on his waist as he brings her in for a warm embrace. She is glad they can settle on something. It is as close to courtship as she can imagine here, and she cherishes what he's giving her, freely and of his own volition.]

Nothing I can think of. It will be hard knowing you are with another, but I know what this place asks of us. I cannot fault you what you are made to do.

[He knew when he asked her to stay that she would ease his darkness, but he never thought it would be this. One brief conversation and suddenly the color is returned to the world.

He can feel the heat of her hands through his shirt. That warmth blossoms in him, gnawing its way to his groin.]

I won't parade anyone else in front of you. It will be discreet. [Not that it made his jealousy any better.] It's no easier for me. Knowing when we're not together, you might be with someone else.

I know. [She knows he won't willingly hurt her. But it is going to be tough for the both of them. Lucrezia holds him close, treasuring the time she can have with him.]

We will just have to be open and honest with one another. Otherwise the jealousy will simply eat at us.

[He nodded, knowing that there was little chance of avoiding jealousy altogether. Gods help him, but he even envied her brother (though he wasn't ever going to address or think about the reason why.)]

Aye, I promise to tell you the truth about whatever you want to know or ask me. But you've got no reason to be jealous. There's no one like you.

I will envy whoever is lucky enough to have you as a Dominant. [She knows he once asked her though she still has her contract with Cesare. It is not because she does not want to contract with Jon. There is just a much larger game at play here, and signing with another would have to be the last option between her and Cesare. Otherwise she knows it simply would not work between the two of them.]

But you are kind to say.

[He meets her eyes sadly, wishing it could be different. The obvious solution would be to contract with her and her alone, binding them in some form of commitment, but she was contracted to her brother and he knew that there was little reason to press for her to sever that. Whatever was between her and Cesare, they meant to stay together and he accepted that.]

We have this. It's a contract for us.

[One more binding than the city, at least on his end.]

You can set whatever terms you want for me to have in contracts. If you don't like someone I suggest, you have the right to tell me not to contract with them. If you'd rather I not live with them, but instead find them somewhere else, tell me.

You don't have to be jealous.

I do not want a contract with you-- I would want more than. [A contract is what this place puts on them, but what she wants with Jon is something more natural, not when there are contingencies and stipulations written in. It seems so mechanical.]

We will work it out.

[She has faith in that.]

Let's try and eat, shall we?

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