pontificus | ( duplicity ) inbox

In the morning. I would not wake Christine over this.

[And like hell is she returning to Cesare's bed. Instead she moves to her own room, ending the conversation there.]

[ Cesare is particularly confused when Lucrezia doesn't return. It takes some considerable time waiting before he stands to look for her. When he finds her, he pulls a small smile, leaning on the doorframe.]

Tired? [ Personally, Cesare still has plenty more he would like to do with her.]

[She's barely dressed, tightening her robes around him when he approaches. She is calm, more than even she expects herself to be. Somehow he's gotten to Jon. Somehow he's said something, and it's clearly threatening to tear them a part. He didn't have to do this, and now she's got her back to him.]

Yes. It's been a long few days. Think I am just worn out.

Very well.

[ Still calm and over confident, he holds out a hand, expecting the two of them to make their way to bed and lazily wrap in one another's arms.]

[Her eyes move quickly down to his hand before she moves away.]

Please. I just mean to sleep.

[They may have crossed the line that there is no going back from, and part of her perhaps now regrets it. When once she was much happier, thinking she had it all just hours before. It seems broken now.]

[ Cesare all but flinches when she moves away from him. He frowns and moves forward in concern. ]

What is it?

Can I not be tired?

[She does not mean to discuss it, not until Jon tells her what went on between them. At the very least neither one seem to be in the hospital, but her nerves are already frayed. But she cannot let on. She just sounds tired, hurt almost. It's easy to pass off as fatigue now.

She cannot fathom sleeping next to him now, but then she has had to sleep beside worse men.]

[Something isn't right, but he knows not to push it, not when she is like this. His body tenses up as he frowns.]

As you wish. Tomorrow then.

[And so he moves back to his room, panicked and concerned. They'll talk about whatever is wrong soon enough. They have to. Or at least that's what he tells himself.]

[He hadn't slept, not with this looming over him. But he was at least calm and slightly remorseful for his comments.

He stood when Lucrezia entered. They were alone at least.]

[Her hair is down, walking sullenly as the end of her white skirts move with her. She has not slept either, emotionally trying to hold back. It has been a long night with Cesare being just feet away from her. Her jaw is tight when she manages to look at him.]

Tell me what he told you. [What he must have spun to put Jon in such a mood.]

[Gods but he isn't even sure how exactly it worked between them, but he has a general idea. Whether the two were related, he didn't know.

It was overwhelming and just left him feeling defeated.]

He made it clear that your lovers before describing our night in the park, behind the tree. He didn't say it, but he made it obvious you tell him what we do together.

He told you-- [The clear disgust that is on her face, the shock that washes over her is almost overpowering. She turns away from him out of shame before swallowing hard.

He told her they couldn't tell anyone. He told her they must keep it a secret. She organized the threesome with Guilia, manipulating her friend because he wanted Guilia under their thumb. She could not know. No one could.]

He makes me tell him who I lie with. It seems to tame his jealousy. [She says with her back still to him, voice low and broken.]

[He's humiliated but calm. Instead he runs his hands over his eyes, his jaw set. She was vulnerable and hurt and however frustrated he was, he was always susceptible to her in that state. It at least meant he could think rationally.]

He's your dominant. If this is a condition from him... [He couldn't imagine any other scenario, he'd rather be naive than believe she'd betray his trust happily.]

How much have you told him? The things we say afterwards?

[She feels humiliated as well. What she was supposed to have with Cesare, as warped and corrupted as it, it was supposed to be theirs. She's worked so hard for months to keep Jon and Cesare separated, but somehow on the night that was meant to be hers, it had all come crashing down.]

No. [She shakes her head, looking down and unable to look back at him. What must he think of her?]

Most of the time, I do not tell him. He does not know how often I come to your bed. But sometimes he guesses. Sometimes he asks what you've done. I answer truthfully, but I say no more than I have to.

What's left that's ours? [There's defeat in his voice, defeat and fear. Did he have to worry now that anything they did would be reported back? It made him shudder, a wave of revulsion washing over him at the thought of Cesare smirking about it all.] Gods, I don't know what to say...

[He wanted to hold her, but couldn't move yet. She was hurt and afraid, it killed him, but he had no strength to move.]

Is this what you need to keep us together?

[Even with all this, he wasn't willing to lose what they had or sever this relationship.]

[She has been working so hard for this moment to never come, so that what her actions don't hurt anyone including him. Lucrezia feels betrayed, and she is not sure how to answer for any of this. But he does deserve the truth.]

Most of it in truth. I never willingly gave him information unless he asked. I never told him anything that we talked about, just enough to keep him appeased.

[And then he asks if this is what she needs to keep them together, and the last thing she was expecting was this question. She completely thought they were over with. This isn't something light, something that can just be gotten over. They've gone through so much in the past few weeks, but this is something she was sure he would not be able to handle.]

I do not know what I need.

[That abates the sickness, at least a little. Most of it. It was a comfort at the very least there was still some part that belonged to just them. But it didn't completely remove his nausea, knowing that Cesare actively sought information about Jon.

How he was in bed, what he did with Lucrezia, how he helped to push her to climax and how often he was ready again for her. He didn't mind publicly performing, but this was different. It was almost an invasion. As though Cesare wanted to be another person in their bed.

It wasn't as if she was trying to make a fool of him or doing this out of malice. After what happened in the park, he could somewhat see what it was she was trying to do...but at the same time, he couldn't help but wonder if it was an excuse. Appease Cesare? Or a reason for them to come together?

It was too complicated for him to wrap his head around.]

You need to decide what you need, Lu. I'm not going to be caught off guard by him again. If you are going to do this, then you have to be honest with me.

Edited 2019-05-11 23:59 (UTC)

[She wants things to return to how things were, but she knows they cannot go back. Nothing can be returned to how it was before the night of the charity. She exhales slowly and nods. It is not a lot to ask of her, and she understands. Truth is everything. It is greater than power. It can give it or take it away.]

I want to be with you. Like we always talked about. None of it was a lie. I was just always afraid of this happening [How could she have both? How could she choose? How could it ever work out between the two of them? How? When she knew she knew she couldn't leave Cesare.]

Edited 2019-05-13 04:44 (UTC)

[He knows what he wants. He wants for her to not have one foot in both camps. She loved Cesare, he was aware of that, but there was a part of him that wished that he could be enough for her. That he could believe she would choose him, if the choice was presented.

But he has no strength to ask and no courage to press. Once again, he ran his hands over his face, taking a few steadying breaths as he nodded. He loved this woman too much to walk away.]

I know it wasn't a lie. [It would be easier if it was.] I do want you, Lucrezia. If we move forward, I need to believe you won't share what we share with him. Otherwise he'll always be in the middle of this.

I can’t promise that. It’s part of my contract with him that I must tell him what I do. If he asks. [It is the only caveat she has, one she’s been dancing around. He isn’t the only one she’s tried not to divulge information on, but he is the most important. She doesn’t know why Cesare has always wanted it, though in the beginning it was more innocent— just making sure she was with men who would do right by her.

Which is how this whole feud with Jon and Cesare started.]

I know that isn’t an answer you want, but I keep what I can between us. I always have.

[The pained look says enough though. She isn’t expecting him to accept that. She wouldn’t if she were in his place.]

[He doesn't accept that and his frown only proves that. He can be lenient about a large number of things, but what he shares with Lucrezia, he wants just between the.]

You can change your contract. It seems as if he wants to keep you with him. You can choose your terms, Lu. If he won't agree, sign with someone else.

[He didn't even expect it to be him, just someone who would let her keep her secrets.]

I try to give you all you need and more. I know what you have with him will always come before me, but I need something. Otherwise this isn't just ours, it becomes his too.

[She stands there, feeling almost helpless as her whole world feels like it's crumbling beneath her feet. How could she go from feeling like she was on top of the world to... this?]

So you are asking for me to choose between you and my brother, knowing he will never agree to any changes.

[Because ultimately that's what he's asking her to do, and she does not know if she can. She wants to-- he's compromised her trust, but has he done enough for her to sever ties completely?]

[Whatever fight he had in him was smothered by that. It wasn't his intention for her to choose but to at least have some measure of privacy. Cesare could take and take, but would always have Lucrezia. If Jon wanted her, he had to compromise. It was like the days when he was reminded of his bastard status at every turn, beneath his true born siblings.]

No, I won't ask you to choose.

[He knew the answer as it was.]

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